Throwing Out The Parenting Books

Friends, parenting is tough.  You bring this little life into the world, and sometimes you feel helpless and directionless on how to raise this little heart.  So, you break out the parenting books.  You read the mom blogs.  You (stupidly) ask for advice on Facebook (Oh, that's just me?  Whoops.)  Sigh.

It's funny how when you are pregnant, you feel like you have everything figured out: this is HOW you are going to parent.  This is the method you are going to use.  This is how your children are going to turn out.

Then your kid turns two.  And you realize your whole parenting philosophy is quickly going to hell in a hand basket.  I'm sure those of you who have older children (as in older than two) can shed some light on this, as well... I can't even imagine the teen years.

It's tough.  These days the stakes are really high to be the picture perfect Pinterest parent.

I've read my fair share of parenting books, and mom blogs.  I'm going to be honest here, friends.  It's discouraging.  On one hand I feel like if I am not holding my baby AT ALL TIMES, breastfeeding around the clock, cloth diapering, and pureeing organic baby food for every meal than I have failed as a nurturing parent.  On the the other hand, I feel like if I don't instill discipline, teach them how to sleep, and put them in public school than I am just raising selfish little mongers that think the world revolves around them.

Friends, I'm sick of it.  Sick of the "So-and-so Art of Parenting." Sick of the attached/detached idealist (read: unrealistic) forms of parenting.

I'm not going to lie; I get sucked into the parenting world.  I read the articles, the books, the blog posts; like I am going to uncover life's long lost parenting secret.  But those formulas never work.  Ever.  Each and every time they fail miserable.

Want some more honesty?  I worked myself up so much about how I need to parent, what decisions I need to make for them, what plan I need to follow, that it started to affect my health and my marriage.  I was a nervous wreck that if I laid my baby down and let her cry for a few minutes that I would undue all the love and attention I have already poured into and invested in her.

Friends, I burnt myself out.  I'm pretty sure that I learn EVERYTHING the hard way.

Then God spoke gently to my heart as He always does when I am unraveling.  Who is the authority on parenting?  He is.

Here's the thing, friends.  We can read every parenting book out there.  We can subscribe to every mom blog.  We can take seminars on parenting.  We can glean wisdom from those who have gone before us (and that may even be wise).  BUT the truth stays the same:  God in all His infinite wisdom and glory is the ultimate authority on parenting.  After all, he knit these sweet little souls in our womb.  They are individuals.  These children are complex.  He knows their innermost being and what kind of parenting they need.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for wisdom or counsel as a parent.  In fact, I would encourage it.  But, at the end of the day, God remains.  All our striving means nothing unless we surrender what WE think our children need and lay it at His feet and press into what HE HAS FOR THEM.  What He has for them is far greater, and more beautiful than anything we could ever contrive on our own.  This concept seems unimaginable to me because I love my children SO much, but Jesus actually loves them more.  Mind blowing.  But, it is the truth.

Now, let me clarify something here.  I don't think it is wrong if you identify with a particular form of parenting.  I don't think it's wrong to read parenting books.  I don't think it's wrong to seek wisdom and knowledge.

What I do think is wrong is exasperating yourself as a parent and loosing what is important in order to identify with a particular form of parenting.  What I do know is wrong is allowing other people to put you under so much pressure, that the weight of it all causes you to have near anxiety attacks.

Love Jesus.  Love your children.  Love yourself.  And give yourself and your children lots of grace.  Fall flat on your face every day if you need to.  Press in.  Jesus is there.  Jesus isn't there ready to shame you for not being a perfect parent.  He's there to embrace you and guide you. 

So, I raise my highly caffeinated drink (the one the keeps me awake) to you and say HERE IS TO BEING A PERFECTLY IMPERFECT PARENT... and losing our self in grace and love for ourselves and our children.  

P.S. Yes, I know I have opened a can of worms... BE NICE in the comments, please.  We are all learning together, right? 

Freedom

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 

-2 Corinthians 3:17

Where do you need freedom in your life today?  Invite Jesus there.  

What is holding you back from pursuing the dreams tucked dangerously deep inside of your heart?  Allow Jesus to meet you there.  

What scares you today?  Speak Jesus there.  

What is weighing so heavy on your shoulders that makes you feel like you are a breathe away from breaking?  Breathe in and invite Jesus there.

Happy Monday.

Things I'm Loving On A Thursday

Friends, it feels so freakin' good to blog again.  Five months into it, we are starting to VERY SLOWLY get into a schedule.  Which means I can blog every once in awhile again.  My kiddos are currently napping, so I thought I would share some things I am loving.

Have you all heard of Sevenly?  I'm pretty much in LOVE with this company.  If you know me, you know I am a t-shirt fanatic.  And these t-shirts support amazing causes.  I told my husband I want my whole wardrobe to be from Sevenly.  

Also, while we are on the topic of t-shirts, I have been eyeing this one.  I think it would be perfect for teaching Christian yoga classes.

And while we are talking about Christian yoga... I was absolutely ruined (in a good way) by this audio practice last night on my mat.  

This blog post made me literally laugh and cry.  If you are a parent, I bet you could relate.

I really hate to cook.  But, I have been following some of Carly Lockman's healthy recipes lately and they are super YUMMY and easy.

That's it for today, friends.

Happy Thursday.  

Much Afraid < Grace and Glory

Almost my entire life, I've had this "friend."  This friend follows me around everywhere I go; whispers into my ear with every decision I make.  This friend calls itself Wisdom, or Discernment.  But I know its true name.  I know behind the mask this friend is plain ole' rotten FEAR.  This Fear has taken residency in my heart just long enough to make it comfortable to listen to its twisted lies.  

Fear spins off into worry, discontentment, sadness, and depression... These "friends" become comfortable; they feel "safe."  Even though they are miserable, they feel like a refuge; I can find escape behind them.  But they dictate everything I do.

And, friends... it is downright soul sucking miserable.

Have you ever read the book "Hinds Feet On High Places" by Hannah Hunnard?  This book speaks volumes to my heart.  It's the tale of Much Afraid, paralyzed by her fearing relatives to live and to marry Craven Fear.  It's the story of how the Good Shepard leads her to journey to High Places to leave her old identity as Much Afraid, and be transformed into Grace and Glory.  

Friends, if you haven't read this book, please, PLEASE do.  I read it years ago in high school, and the story has stayed tucked deep within my heart.  A few weeks ago God kept bringing that story to my mind;  He kept pressing it into my heart.  All of the sudden, everywhere I turned this story was brought up.  (This is not a new book, by the way... It was written in the 1950's I believe.)  I knew God was speaking.  I KNEW he was beginning to transform me from Much Afraid to Grace and Glory.    

A couple of weeks ago Kyle (my husband) and I got into a heated discussion about a decision we had to make for our family.  Kyle, in typical Kyle-fashion was approaching the subject with a bit of whimsy and was being laid back.  This drove me mad.  I had so much fear, and anxiety, and worry in my heart and it came out with every word I spoke.  Couldn't he see I was using "discernment" (a.k.a. FEAR)!?

Finally, the "shat" hit the fan, and in one soul revealing moment the truth spilled out... I was terrified.  And I was bone weary from listening to my so called "discernment" and "wisdom" any longer.  

It was a holy moment, friends.

I married this really great man.  Since being married to him, I have watched God lead him and grow him to be a fearless leader.  Adventure has entered his soul.  He has kicked fear out, and it has no residency there.  Meanwhile, I stayed in the dark.  I humored his adventure, and secretly was jealous of how he lived in such freedom.  It caused tension.  I told myself someone had to be the "adult" in this marriage.  But, really if you look at this in plain daylight, you will see maturity has nothing to do with it.  Adventure has EVERYTHING to do with it.

That night we talked (and all the shat hit the fan), I felt a loosening.  I could feel fear starting to lose it's death grip on my soul.  I could feel Jesus moving in.  

"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." -The Message interpretation of 1 John 4:18

And you want to know what's happening?  I'm dreaming again.  I'm learning to let adventure into my heart.  Kyle and I are just about to jump into a whole new season of life.  We've got some big dreams that God has laid on our hearts, and we are just about to enter that season of God bringing those dreams to fruition.

It's a process.  It's not a quick fix.  It's lengthy.  It's a coming to.  Sometimes it really hurts.  But it holds mind blowing FREEDOM.

I'm not going to lie to you.  I have my good days, and my bad days.  I have my days that feel crippled by fear; that make me just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away.  But it's a start.  It's a journey.  It's a coming to.  

Becoming Grace and Glory.  

What is keeping you from allowing Jesus to poor adventure into your heart?

On Adoption

If you have known me long enough, you probably know that Kyle and I have a heart for adoption.  God willing, we are prayerfully hoping to start the adoption process of welcoming another little one into our family in the next 2-3 years.  It is something that has been pressed into my heart since I was very young.  Since Kyle and I have been married, it is something that has been laid on our heart as a couple.  It is a few years out for us before we can start that process, but in the meantime I love hearing about other adoption stories.  I believe as Christians we are called to take care of orphans.  For some of us that means actually adopting a child, for others it means maybe helping another family adopt.  God's plan for how we take care of these children who desperetly need us looks different in every family.  But I do know one thing; we are called to action.  We are called to take care of those who others look past.  We are called to advocate for those who have no voice.  

Rylie is a young woman whom I have had the pleasure of getting to know via blogging the past few years.  She is an amazing young woman, and I was thrilled when I read she and her family were in the process of adopting a little girl.  You can read more about their story here.  Rylie is here on SBD today to share her thoughts and her heart for adoption:

Let's talk about adoption. In today's busy, self-centered life, it is easy for things like adoption to be pushed to the wayside. There are many (somewhat-legitiment) reasons as to why people cannot/will not adopt (ps: I'm not saying every family is called to adopt, they're not), but my heart breaks for 153 million orphans & vulnerable children who need our help... And when I hear statistics that say the number of international adoptions has dropped 60% in the last six years, I'd say we're failing to hear their cries and identify with their lives. 

Just know, this is written from a Christian perspective to Christian readers. Because for us, dear reader, adoption changes everything. Adoption is so intricately rooted in the gospel that we cannot ignore it nor take it for granted. Keeping in mind that each child is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), we must not simply care for, but chase after the forgotten and the undesirables. 

Let's begin by saying: Christians are not called to adopt, they are commanded (Isaiah 58:10; Deuteronomy 24:17,19; James 1:27). In his newest book, author Jonny Carr said, “If Christians are not responsible to care for the orphaned, who is?” There are over 2,000 verses in 63 of the 66 books that make up the Bible having to do with caring for and protecting the weak, marginalized, oppressed, fatherless, abused, and vulnerable. In fact, though it is not apart of the 10 Commandments, defending the poor is the most frequent law the Lord gave His people. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that justice is near to His heart. “If we have the means and the capability to care for orphaned and vulnerable children, yet fail to do so,” continues Carr, “we are in direct disobedience to God.”

Additionally, adoption is woven through the fabric of Scripture. God adopted His people (Ephesians 1:5; Galatians 4:5; Romans 8:17), so we should adopt others. God is a Father to the fatherless (Deuteronomy 10:18, 24:17-22), so we should also be fathers to the fatherless. Furthermore, we are called to help the least of these (Matthew 25:40). What is a better way to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and welcome the stranger (Matthew 25:35) than to adopt a child? Furthermore, the gospel at its heart is rescue and redemption. The Bible is a story of a Father who loved His people, despite her flaws, shortcomings, and downright rebellion. It is a story of a Father who “so loved the world that He gave His only Son” (John 3:16). It is a story of radical sacrifice and extravagant love. It is a story that beckons its followers to do the same.

To conclude (though I could give you a 10 page research essay & talk your ear off for hours), adoption is very countercultural, yet very biblical. So, why adopt? In a world filled with 153 million orphans and vulnerable children, the better question is, why not adopt? Yes, adoption is costly. Yes, it takes much time and energy. No, it does not make much sense to the unbelieving world. But may Christ’s Bride be so bold as to follow in the footsteps of her Savior, no matter the cost, no matter the time, no matter the social consequences. Throwing aside all selfish ambitions, may we as God’s people identify with the poor, marginalized, and oppressed, and through that may we see the poverty of our own hearts. 

Visit Rylie's blog here and check out their giveaway.

So Goes Life

 

So, goes life. You swear to yourself that you will make time for blogging... Then the stomach bug hits your home for a week... Then baby goes back to getting up several times a night... And blogging once again goes on the back burner. Oh, well. My posts may be a little shorter in length these days, since I have all of five minutes of free time (bouncing a baby on my lap as I type with one hand). 

 Happy Monday!

The Art of Baby Wearing Week: Ergobaby (GIVEAWAY!)

Ergobaby contacted me awhile back about reviewing one of their Bundle of Joy carriers.  I jumped at the chance, because I had been dying to get my hands on one of their carriers.  You see, I suffer from really bad back pain; scoliosis and a old car accident neck injury.  I have pretty bad back/neck pain almost on a daily basis.  Someone I know (who also suffers from severe back pain) suggested I try Ergobaby. 

All I can say about Ergobaby is that it is amazing.  Ergobaby carriers are designed to evenly distribute the baby's weight across your body, so it lessens the stress on your back.  The material is soft and comfortable.  And you can easily throw your Ergobaby carrier in the wash when needed.  I really love my Ergobaby carrier!

Ergobaby is offering She Breathes Deeply readers a chance to win one of their Bundle of Joy carriers in navy!  You can enter multiple ways daily.  Good luck!

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